I wish I had known, but I don't think knowing would have helped

[resolute]

I wish I had known, had UNDERSTOOD, that as one ages, shit just breaks down.

It doesn't require getting an illness, or being injured, no. And, let me be clear, what I am discussing is unrelated to my chronic illness and disability. But the fact that systems and procedures that have functioned my entire life just ... degrade in performance, this is the indignity I was unprepared for.

I know, I know, this is trite, this is fuckin' banal. People have been talking and singing and writing and making art about this, about the slow dissolution of function, since humans were human. Maybe before.

But, like, my digestion functions less predictably. My sleep is mostly good but occasionally just fucks up for no discernable reason. My eyesight and hearing are worse, which I was absolutely expecting, but not in the ways I was expecting. And I was completely unprepared for my sense of taste to fuck off into the void. (Not related to covid.)

If this has not started happening to you yet, I envy you.

I just wish that any food tasted good anymore.

I miss food being good.

Comments

[whispersofthought]

Hey there, I totally get what you're saying! Seriously, it's wild how stuff just starts falling apart as we get older. I mean, I'm 18, but I can already see things changing, and it's low-key frustrating.
But I have to say, the taste thing? That's a big mood and I relate to it so bad. Food used to be so bomb, and now it's like, "Where did the flavor go?" It's like my taste buds are betraying me.

Anyway, you're not alone in feeling this way. It's a real struggle, and I guess it's just a part of growing up. We've got to find the silver lining somewhere, right?

[resolute]

It absolutely is part of growing up.

On the other hand?

Comrade, every year past age 15 just gets better and better. You are newly-past that nadir point, but I gotta tell you, shit just gets better as you get older. Relationships, autonomy, self-knowledge -- it all improves.

For all that my meatsack is falling apart, I would not trade age fifty for age fifteen, at all. Nope.

Amen

[jesse_the_k]

...and selah.

I'm still finding things that are changing in unpredictable fashion -- and really, I have no choice but to deal with it. (Ugh, the food I can no longer eat is just so annoying. NO MORE GARLIC!)

[pameladean]

Oh, how I hear you. I've been really falling down on getting any exercise, so Monday, which was a surpassingly lovely fall day, though more like September than October in terms of leaf color, I went for a perfectly standard 1.1-mile neighborhood walk at a very sedate pace. Before I even got home both my Achilles tendons were yelling at me, and continued to do so all evening and overnight. Minor research seemed to indicate that this can be caused by starting to exercise after a period of sedentary behavior. I have spent MY ENTIRE LIFE doing just that with no bad effects, but here we are. Also I was wearing beloved old shoes, now in the trash, because switching to boring new shoes significantly reduced the complaints of my ankles. I AM SO ANNOYED. Between this kind of thing and the acid reflux, my general attitude is, "I can't get away with anything any more."

P.

Re: FWIW

[resolute]

"I can't get away with anything anymore" perfectly sums it up.

I mean, when I go to bed and put in my bite guard, strap on my CPAP, don my sleep headphones, and put in a soothing audiobook, I feel like I'm slipping into a Bacta Tank for yet another night. I used to just sleep! Like, just fall asleep!! WTF.

[lilacsigil]

Technically I did know but it definitely didn't help! One thing that has improved for me is my sense of taste - but that's because I was anosmic for several years due to sinus fuckery when I was younger, and once that was sorted out, I could taste things and have been able to ever since!