Thomas Ripley
Apr. 27th, 2024 10:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
resoluteThe Talented Mr. Ripley.
The Imposters.
The Grifters.
Inventing Anna.
Saltburn.
I love stories about con artists, sociopaths, and imposters.
I've rewatched the Netflix series Ripley about six times since it came out.
When I was about thirteen years old, I read every book in the local public library about cons and cold reading. I read about how to win people over in business, I learned how to cold read. There were all these books out there that TEACH you how to pretend to be a normal person that someone wants to be friends with! These books teach you how to get people to trust you, to believe you!
I found these to be amazing tools. I could not get people to believe me, I could not figure out why people disliked me. I could not figure out what I was doing so wrong that made bullies kick me in the halls or throw things at me from schoolbuses. I knew it was something wrong with me, I knew I was messing something up, I knew I was failing. So I studied.
I studied how to fake the things I actually felt and believed.
The thing was, I wasn't *lying* most of the time. Most of the time I was using the social techniques of con artists and cold readers to get people to believe that things I meant. If I said "yes I like this song" in a way that was natural and comfortable for me, the person I was talking to thought I was being sarcastic and mean and that I hated the song, that I thought poorly of them for liking it. I did not! I liked the song! But to get the other person to believe me I had to remember to do all these extra things, like turn my body to 3/4 face the other person, to smile, to make me voice sound like a smile. I would think about cuddling a puppy in order to get the right amount of warmth in my eyes. I would lean in and raise the pitch of my voice.
There are all these extra THINGS I had to learn and remember to do in order to get people to respond to what I intended to say.
So, yes, I love media about con artists and grifters. I love watching people be good at that switch, at putting on the mask. I love watching people in a panic that they will be caught, be revealed, because that's how most social interactions feel to me -- constant worry that my mask will slip and the person I am talking to will suddenly feel that I'm lying to them, that I'm faking everything. (I *am* faking everything but it's to make sure they believe the truth! Which they won't believe unless I fake everything! I *am* an imposter, but in support of the truth!!)
Part of what I love about the Netflix Ripley is that Tom is only good at lying to other people when he has successfully gotten himself to believe what he is about to say. He practices and rehearses his lies so that he can sell them to others. I used to practice my facial expression in the mirror, trying to get them to look like other people's faces and expressions. I would practice my tone of voice and how to make it sound warm and friendly. All the things Tom does -- except the murders! and the theft! -- all the SOCIAL things Tom does, I have done those things in an effort to hide my autism and be accepted by the people whose respect and friendship I wanted.
Con artists, cold readers, and comic books taught me how to pretend to be neurotypical.
The Imposters.
The Grifters.
Inventing Anna.
Saltburn.
I love stories about con artists, sociopaths, and imposters.
I've rewatched the Netflix series Ripley about six times since it came out.
When I was about thirteen years old, I read every book in the local public library about cons and cold reading. I read about how to win people over in business, I learned how to cold read. There were all these books out there that TEACH you how to pretend to be a normal person that someone wants to be friends with! These books teach you how to get people to trust you, to believe you!
I found these to be amazing tools. I could not get people to believe me, I could not figure out why people disliked me. I could not figure out what I was doing so wrong that made bullies kick me in the halls or throw things at me from schoolbuses. I knew it was something wrong with me, I knew I was messing something up, I knew I was failing. So I studied.
I studied how to fake the things I actually felt and believed.
The thing was, I wasn't *lying* most of the time. Most of the time I was using the social techniques of con artists and cold readers to get people to believe that things I meant. If I said "yes I like this song" in a way that was natural and comfortable for me, the person I was talking to thought I was being sarcastic and mean and that I hated the song, that I thought poorly of them for liking it. I did not! I liked the song! But to get the other person to believe me I had to remember to do all these extra things, like turn my body to 3/4 face the other person, to smile, to make me voice sound like a smile. I would think about cuddling a puppy in order to get the right amount of warmth in my eyes. I would lean in and raise the pitch of my voice.
There are all these extra THINGS I had to learn and remember to do in order to get people to respond to what I intended to say.
So, yes, I love media about con artists and grifters. I love watching people be good at that switch, at putting on the mask. I love watching people in a panic that they will be caught, be revealed, because that's how most social interactions feel to me -- constant worry that my mask will slip and the person I am talking to will suddenly feel that I'm lying to them, that I'm faking everything. (I *am* faking everything but it's to make sure they believe the truth! Which they won't believe unless I fake everything! I *am* an imposter, but in support of the truth!!)
Part of what I love about the Netflix Ripley is that Tom is only good at lying to other people when he has successfully gotten himself to believe what he is about to say. He practices and rehearses his lies so that he can sell them to others. I used to practice my facial expression in the mirror, trying to get them to look like other people's faces and expressions. I would practice my tone of voice and how to make it sound warm and friendly. All the things Tom does -- except the murders! and the theft! -- all the SOCIAL things Tom does, I have done those things in an effort to hide my autism and be accepted by the people whose respect and friendship I wanted.
Con artists, cold readers, and comic books taught me how to pretend to be neurotypical.
Ahhh!
Date: 2024-04-27 06:49 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for sharing a glimpse of how you coped as you were forced to mask. That sounds so hard (while also an amazing skill level).
From the outside, it looks like your job in a previous life ritualized all communications — did that reduce the stress of interacting?
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Date: 2024-04-27 07:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-27 09:03 pm (UTC)How gratifying!
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Date: 2024-04-27 08:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-27 08:28 pm (UTC)And I started it, back when I had spoons and less brain fog! But I have not finished it yet.
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Date: 2024-04-27 08:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-27 09:26 pm (UTC)Thanks for the mention, Frumkin looks fascinating.
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Date: 2024-04-27 09:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-27 08:12 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here.
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Date: 2024-04-27 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-27 08:37 pm (UTC)and speaking of great con artists in movies/shows
Date: 2024-04-27 09:13 pm (UTC)Sigourney Weaver is excellent in David Mamet's House of Games, while Amanda Seyfried is stunning as Elizabeth Holmes in HULU's dramatization of the Theranos debacle, The Dropout. Based on that show, it seems that Holmes successfully conned herself as well as her investors into believing she could make magic happen.
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Date: 2024-04-28 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-28 02:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-28 03:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-05-03 10:39 am (UTC)